One Foot Planted

There are no prayers one can offer to those who love you when you are sick.

The internal resources of courage, strength and the perennial knowledge of being held in the light, by the Divine essence, embraced by the wings of Archangel Michael all ready, willing and able to take up the cause, the combat, the nurturing – they belong to me.

I cannot seem to share those resources, that strength, when it comes time to tell a mother, my mother, that her loving daughter is facing the odds headson.

The pain of losing of child, whether it be my child or my mother’s child is the most unbearable heartache.

I hurt for my mother as I would for myself. I am the child and I am the mother. And the pain, the inexorable pain, happens in this space as in no other.

There are no prayers for salvation. There are no prayers for cures or for A’s on the report card.

There is only the prayer to have the courage, the strength to be the person who continues to reveal a faith whose very essence is Grace. I am a product of the Grace of God. My whole being is a singular prayer. And my very ability to pray, to be lifted, to feel that embrace, that is my blessing.

I offer it as a bouquet to those around me, but they must all find their own scents, their own path. It is not as simple as a flower I can hand over. It is step each one must take in his or her own way.

My mother spent her whole life worrying, protecting me, calling me. And I knew, from even under her kneecap, that her worrying did not offer us protection. We are meant to be in the times we are meant.

My whole life I worried, did I do enough, was I able to live the legacy I was meant to be part of, have I touched enough people and helped them on their way, so they can help others. I know that my worrying does not offer me the answer to that. I am still left with the question…was there/is there more I am meant to be part of in this lifetime? That is the answer I seek.

I have not heard that answer through prayer which leads me to believe that I am simply asking the wrong question.

I am in awe of the gifts of life. Why is it so easy to lose track of them in favor of the lessons of living?

I recently heard about a study that measured the impact of negative and positive comments. It was 5:1. It required 5 positive comments to shift a person’s thinking in a positive way as compared to the one negative comment that drove the person into a self-critical spiral.

We’re the same way with the good and bad that happens to us. We focus on what’s not working.

I’ve noticed it’s actually a conversation starter. If everything’s great, what do I have to talk about? Seriously. Where does the conversation go if we’re not talking about what’s not working in our lives?

And sometimes there’s just people around us, supposedly friends, who just like to hear that we’re not doing well. Makes them feel a bit better, I suppose. I remember one of my aunts when I was growing up who only really spoke to me about what wasn’t working in my life. Even when I was around 10, I knew that she was happier when I ran into rough patches. If things were good it was almost as though I had gotten more than my share and that didn’t seem quite fair, to her.

Some people believe that positive energy; positive thinking results in positive outcomes. I’m one of them. While true love and support often help us bear our heartache, maybe the real test is how we help each other hold the joy.

Your joy brings my own life experiences into question. Since none of us has a map to living, your joy makes me wonder about my own path. It’s your joy that truly asks me to step out of my narcissistic world and just be happy for you. It may be overcoming the ultimate act of coveting. Can I be happy for a friend who is making a lot of money while I am struggling? Can I be happy for a friend who has found love while I’m still looking?

Life requires us all. We can’t make it on our own. We need to be there to endure the difficult and, most importantly, to celebrate and share the joy. We can extend a helping hand to others. And, sometimes, those hands should just be clapping wildly for someone we love or someone we know. After all, you can never get too many standing ovations in life. We can never give too many either.

I was reading the Stonyfield yogurt and it says that they give 10% of their profits to organizations that focus on environmental issues. That could be a lot of cash. And it’s definitely quite a commitment to putting your money where your mouth is.

It made me think about our obligation to give. I think we should bring back tithing.

I may be off-base because tithing may not be something that we’ve actually lost. I think of churches who pass the contribution box weekly and wonder if they tithe some of that money back out to the streets to those who need. If it all goes to church operation, that wouldn’t seem quite right.

It’s interesting to think about giving away 10% of your money or 10% of your time. Although “time is money,” folks generally have a harder time giving away dollars than giving away time. I think we should do at least one of those. Probably, the one that feels the most challenging.

The Jewish concept of charity isn’t really about charity at all – it’s about knowing that what you have or own are gifts to share. Literally the Hebrew word for it, “tzedekah” comes from the root for “justice.”

The thought is simple. Everything that is yours, isn’t. It is yours merely as a gift from the Divine. And for that reason alone, you have a moral obligation, a just obligation, to share what you have.

In the Bible we read about it as leaving the gleanings of the four corners of the field for whomever needs them. The prayer shawl that Jews wear has four extra long strings, which are to remind us of the four corners and our moral obligation to give. And no one is exempt. Even those who have the least, have to pass something along.

Our ability to share defines our moral character. It moves us from a mentality of scarcity to a mentality of abundance. It says that we have enough to share, even when we don’t think we do. It says that we have enough to share, and that we have the faith, the belief, that we will get more.

I like to think sharing of ourselves and of our money, opens up the flow – maybe a Divine flow – but certainly a human one. When we are able to let something go, we simply have created more room to receive. It’s an endless, just, and extraordinarily exquisite human dance.

I think of myself, and most of those who are closest to me as evolutionary characters. We see life as a journey. Certainly there are times when you get to rest on a minute of a plateau of self-satisfaction and inner peace, but mostly you’re driven to see what’s next, what will the next vista hold? A breathtaking landscape as beautiful as your current surroundings? Or one even more dazzling? And all along the way, you become more and more fit to enjoy the moment. Ready to take on heartier terrain and gaining pleasure just from the knowledge that you can.

I am at an especially terrorizing part of my journey. The leap of faith that includes money. It has always been somewhat ironic to me that people of faith often stop at the door of the material. It goes something like this, “I believe in G!d and I’ll follow my calling after I can retire with my IRA account intact.”

I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want my calling to be stopped by my material needs. And even more importantly, I wanted my pursuit of my calling to be part of my act of faith. “If you want me out there, G!d,” I challenge, “Then make me at least financial stable.”

It’s really funny. I read that kind of tit for tat deal with Jacob in the desert. When he said he would accept G!d if G!d provided him with goodness. I was appalled by it. What is the cause and effect deal that one gets to make with G!d? One should just believe, I thought.

I see it a bit differently now. I think Jacob was saying that he wanted to make G!d manifested in his world by believing in a G!d that transcends even that material reality. A G!d that gives us the space to have a belief so incredibly powerful that G!d’s energy actually expands beyond the restrictions of space, time and certainly, financial constraints. (See the glorious piece on Jacob at http://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/779938/jewish/Overview.htm)

Not an easy way to choose to live. Especially with one kid about to go off to college. But yet, I find myself here. And with my commitment to live my life authentically, I know it is the next craggy rock jutting out for me to climb. But I barely have a crevice to place my foot. And I’m in deep need of some additional oxygen. It’s enough to bring me to prayer. Thank you G!d for the bounties of my life.

I have a very good friend who is hanging in the balance of life and death. He is weary. And he was full of life. So joyous. And so wonderfully irreverent. He is/was a man who was as full of amazing gifts that touched souls, as he was flaws. And seemingly he presented both, without contradiction. He presented both as part of his humanity. His Torah. His story. For those who really loved him knew that the gifts he gave to everyone he touched would be remembered along with the pain he caused. And hopefully one would not win out over the other. Because that, I think, was his gift to all of us. To know that we too are filled with the same inconsistencies; with the same humanity.

And hopefully at the end of our days, folks will say the same about us. We were humans who struggled and loved. Not always understandably so. But we lived fully. Trying out best. Sometimes with remorse. Sometimes, we needed more remorse.

I am personally thankful for the gifts he brought to me. For the memories I have of the times of loving, the times of fighting, and the times of forgiving. I am grateful to have been touched by such a wonderfully eccentric soul — to have made my way into his inner ring.

I only hope that at the end of his days, he knows/knew that he was held, loved and appreciated for the gifts he so did bring into life. I hope he was able to get to that place to remember that the soul that G!d placed within him is always pure, regardless of what he did. And that for times he was able to shine his light and for those times he wasn’t, he was truly accepted and loved.

For the blessings of having been born with an incredible gift of joy.

In gratitude for the overwhelming blessings of my life. My children. My friends. My work.

For the incredible Flower of Knowing that I can love and that I am loved.

Prayer leads to prayer. Only we can remove the obstacles, the hardened edges from our heart and allow our mouths to be opened by the Divine One to flow the words of joy and gratitude through us. Not just in the defined ways that religion provides, but in the ways that our hearts know. A prayer of the moment.

A sigh of gratitude.
A deep and hearty laugh.
A hug.
A moment of silence.

These are all prayers. Prayers that fill the crevices between the energetic elements of our concrete world with colors, sound, fragrances of our thankfulness and our fears.

Because at the exact moment in time where we know what we have, where we can feel the amazing rush of gratitude for all that we are, all the our lives are, all that we are connected to, it is at that same moment we know the pain of its loss.

I pray to the Great Resuscitator in Life because I breathe.

Best,
Miki

We are co-creators in the process of living. We’ve been put on the planet to continue creation, everyday, as though it is the first day of the world.

Our role is to guard the Earth and its people, and to nurture them, physically and morally.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if we were actually responsible for its spin? If we moved ourselves and others forward in tangible and intangible ways that we actually accounted for the Earth’s rotation? We would certainly then know how essential our actions are to our very existence.

When we are leaders — taking charge, leading a group, forwarding a vision — we are responsible for more than ourselves. We’re responsible to acknowledge all who are integral in co-creating with us.

Can we reframe our work as leaders? Not that we must lead, but that we must be the catalyst that forms collaboration. Bringing together those who have and share a common vision, and shoulder by shoulder each share the responsibility for action – moving towards places we individually may never see. Adding just a little bit of Eden to our days.

A bit more on the fear factor. I don’t know about you, but I actually experience fear several times a day. I’m in a business where you put yourself and your ideas out there constantly. The demands of the business require risktaking as a measure of your creativity. Required risktaking. An oxymoron, perhaps, but a truth.

To really take risks requires a certain sense of safety and security. To really take risks you need to have a confidence and a fire and energy that is deeply rooted, shooting from the bottom of our physical soles through your spiritual soul as though there’s no ability to stop the flow.

Knowing that it’s okay to speak out. Share. Even make a fool of oneself. The environment, created either externally or internally, is so safe that you will be left standing just fine, regardless. There’s a respect just for trying.

Fear extinguishes that safety. It wreaks havoc with your soul.

It shrivels it.

It darkens it.

It marks a defensive line against some imagined turf created from the boundaries in our own minds.

I’ve often tried to create safer spaces by extending the boundaries, being a little more out there, singing a little louder, like writing this now, to demonstrate that even “seemingly normal” people can climb the tree and hang from the branch. If I can do it, you can do it.

But after all these years, I’m not sure that’s really effective. I’m not sure that it really creates the safe place for all of us to extend ourselves. I’m thinking about new ways to empower others because, in fact, I think people often see me as someone who just has less fear.

And the fact is that I’m really just someone who deeply understands fear and tries hard every day to feel the support of the universe which asks of me, demands of me, to be my most courageous and glorious self just for one minute, just for one day.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

— Albert Einstein

This is really about abundance. We can view our lives as having everything or having nothing. In the same garden, one of us will see the flowers one of us will see the weeds.

The details of life in many ways don’t actually matter (even though we focus so deeply on them). What matters is the container. How we hold our lives. And that is really up to us. It is really your eyes which can see the same set of lifefacts through the lens of abundance or through the lens of scarcity.

When we see through the lens of abundance we know that there is “enough” for everyone. There’s enough money, enough recognition, enough food. And our role is to recognize how to share the resources we have, with grace and kindness. How to share with others who have less. And how to share with others who have more. Graciousness and hospitality are birthed from abundance. Abundance flows.

When we see through the lens of scarcity, we’re afraid. There won’t be enough to go around. We won’t get what we need. We’re angry, tight and shut down. Fear begets scarcity begets fear, begets scarcity. Not more of a vicious cycle than that.

At one point in my life I was very low on financial resources. Fearful. Not quite sure how I would continue to provide for my family. I was walking on a path and suddenly a little mouse darted across. And I so clearly heard a voice saying, “I’m providing for that mouse. You don’t think I’m going to provide for you?” (My G!d has a sense of humor).

And I was provided for. Miraculously so. Most amazingly so. Because abundance is. There is enough to meet our needs. There is enough for us to share. We are the ones who have created scarcity. And we are the ones who must move ourselves out of that tight, narrow place.

Best,
Miki

I’m focused on humility. I’m wondering whether I am humble…enough. And how it impacts my relationships.

We often confuse humility and humiliation.

What a shame. Humility is knowing that we are all in this world together. That it is a shared experience. One helping the other. I can only let you help me, ask for that help, if I’m able to put aside my fear of being humiliated.

But to combat the potential for humiliation, I harden my heart…trying perhaps to be more than I am…trying to demonstrate my “vast” amount of knowledge to impress/influence you rather than to learn from you.

It takes a considerable amount of ego-strength to be humble and to invite others in who perhaps know more than you to see who you really are. To expose your very human frailties. In fact, humility takes a certain amount of generosity of spirit. Allowing yourself to experience and highlight the best that others bring to you, rather than needing to demonstrate your own value first.

The world is really one big lesson in humility. We can help ourselves take steps that move us forward, but in fact, we are never in control of our lives. If we’re not in control of our birth or our death, the rest is kind of a joke, right? A humbling thought.

Miki